“Land of the Lost”

Another day, still at home. Mostly. Today we took a quarantine hike before I was forced to watch “Land of the Lost” by director Brad Silberling. While this was called a classic by Nick, it was actually nominated for Worst Picture in the 30th Annual Golden Raspberry Awards. I guess that should truly show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unfortunately I think this is a movie so bad you have to appreciate it.

Will Ferrell is Dr. Rick Marshall, a paleontologist that believes in quantum paleontology. He believes in time warps as a solution to the fossil fuel problem. After an interview with Matt Lauer goes wrong, Marshall ends up working a low-level job.

Holly Cantrell visits Marshall, showing him a 265 million year old fossil of Marshall’s personalized lighter. She shows him a crystal that radiates tachyon energy which convinces him to build the tachyon amplifier he designed. The pair go to the cave where Holly recovered the fossil. They take a tour of the cave with Will, the gift shop owner. Activating the amplifier, the trio falls into a time warp. They’re transported to a desert, in which they can see items they recognize from multiple eras. They see some creature about to sacrifice one of their own and they intervene, befriending Chaka, an ape-like creature.

They encounter a t-rex which Marshall goes on for quite a while about how stupid it must be to have the brain the size of a walnut. The dinosaur they’ve named Grumpy chases them to a cave where they find the remains of other humans that became trapped here. The t-rex throws a walnut at the cave which actually in this place turns out to be huge.

Marshall gets a telepathic message of some creature begging for help and he races to find the sender of the message. The group meets Enik the Altrusian. Enik claims to have been exiled by Zarn who plans to overtake Earth with Sleestak minions. Enik says Marshall can save Earth if they recover the tachyon amplifier that they lost upon entry.

Looking for the amplifier, the group enters another desert and observe some smaller dinosaurs attacking an ice cream truck and its operator. The little dinosaurs are chased off when Grumpy and an Allosaurus come to battle it out to eat the ice cream truck driver. The two larger dinosaurs notice the group watching but only really chase Marshall through the desert. Marshall manages to kill the Allosaurus with liquid nitrogen which reveals that the Allosaurus had actually eaten the amplifier. Before they can retrieve it though, it is taken by some kind of flying dinosaur.

The group follow the flying dinosaur to its nest where the amplifier sits amongst a bunch of dino eggs. Marshall has to attempt to get around all of the eggs without waking any of them causing them to hatch. When Marshall picks up the amplifier, it stops playing its signature show tunes which wakes all of the babies. In order to stop them from crying and calling mother, the group continue the song themselves.

While Chaka, Will, and Marshal celebrate the retrieval of the amplifier Holly does something useful and investigates. She finds a message from Zarn that reveals it was actually Enik that planned to destroy Earth. Holly is captured by Sleestaks and is judged for assisting Enik. The boys finally notice she’s missing and attempt to save her. Will and Marshall set out to find her and send Chaka to get Enik.

Will and Marshall rescue Holly and learn Enik is actually the villain. Enik appears and takes the amplifier as Grumpy shows up. Marshall tries to face him alone and is swallowed whole. Holly leaves with Will and Chaka to get the amplifier back from Enik. When they seem overwhelmed by Sleestaks, Marshall appears riding Grumpy. While being digested, Marshall unblocked some blockage and befriends Grumpy once he makes it out the other side. The group overtake Enik and open the portal to Earth. Holly and Marshall leave while Will stays behind stating that he belongs here and needs to stay to close the portal to prevent Enik from attacking again. Marshall returns to Matt Lauer’s show and proves himself a success with his new book Matt Lauer Can Suck It.

Honestly, this movie probably does deserve the Razzie nomination. Holly is infinitely smarter and more attractive than Marshall but somehow she falls in love with him. My favorite line from the entire film is Will asking Marshall if he ever gets tired of being wrong to which Marshall responds “I do I really do,” which isn’t something you typically want to hear from your male lead that supposedly discovered a whole new branch of archeology.

It’s a dumb movie but I think that is where the beauty is. It is easier to laugh at something that doesn’t take itself seriously and I don’t think there is a serious line in the entire movie. I don’t think the creators intended this but I think it is nice to see characters that are supposedly making scientific advances being funny and goofy. Not everyone that has a brain can be Sheldon Cooper and that is I think the underlying shine to Land of the Lost.